A joke told by the Russian exchange student that used to go to my school (via wickedpedia)
Imagine having braces during the apocalypse. no one can take your braces off. And you just have to accept that you’ll have braces forever.
i want a novel focused around a character with braces during the apocalypse and the entire plot of the story revolves around their search for an orthodontist who is still alive and they sort of accidentally save the world in the process
dating me means dating my anxiety and my random spouts of depression it means dating my panic attacks at 11pm or 2 am or 5am or anytime of the day for that matter it means dating my mood swings where i get really upset over everything about me and all my insecurities and how i’m not good enough because i’m never good enough
Which is why I doubt any one will ever want to seriously date me
stealing is a crime AND drugs is a crime too BUT if you steal drugs the two crimes cancel out and it is like basically doing a good. trust me i am a lawyerman
basically i dont care if you drink smoke or do drugs as long as you can hold a conversation about something besides the fact that you drink smoke or do drugs
today in school a fight broke out and i heard one of our security guards ask if it was a good one
Today I got into an argument with my Aunt because she was upset that her daughter was dating a girl so I said
"Do you really think you should fall in love with someone’s genitals over their soul? Because that’s shallow and sad"
And my 75 year old grandmother who was sitting in her rocking chair, and who hasn’t said a word for the past hour screamed “OH BURN” and hit my aunt with a fly swatterMy gramma is a special lady okay.